How long will you be here?

There are some many parts of life here that I won’t get used to. The part that is most in my mind right now deals with relationships. Relationships are just so much more fluid here. Meeting people is so much different here. In Dallas, when meeting someone I would ask their name, where they are originally from, how long have they lived in Dallas, what do they do, etc. Here, when meeting other Americans or missionaries, the line of questioning goes like this: 

Where are you from? 

Who are you here with? 

How long will you be here? 

That last question is sometimes the most important, or the one most focused on, even if only subconsciously, because it determines a lot. It determines how invested you feel you can become in that person’s life. It determines the amount of emotional capital you are willing to invest in that friendship. The scale of emotional investment depends on the answer they give. One week? Nice to meet you, enjoy your stay. Two weeks? Hope you have a good time.  One month. One year. Two years... 

How long will you be here? That is a question I have never asked anyone in the states, because I just assume that that is their home. For most of us here, this isn’t our home. Very few people think they will live in this country forever. Some people you meet have a specific time they are in country determined by a contract. Others can be here as long or as little as they want, but no matter which camp someone falls into, one thing is the same: they are going to leave at some point. 

Growing up, my family moved more than most. Every 4 years or so we would move to a new town and start over. I wouldn’t change my childhood for anything; I think I am stronger and wiser because of the way we moved around. I am able to get to know people easier and adjust to new environments well, and I can deal with changes in relationships due to geography. But one drawback is this: I am used to being the one moving. I can deal with that. I actually like the excitement of going to a new place and “learning the ropes.” 

But...I’m not used to other people, my friends, moving away. 

Over the past nine months here in Haiti I have met several people, developed great friendships, and then due to jobs, money, life change, etc several people have had to move back home or move on to the next stage of their lives, and I don’t like it. I told a friend of mine today that I was mad at Haiti. The truth is, people move in and out of lives no matter where you live, whether it’s Haiti, America, or Timbuktu, it just seems to happen so much more here. 

At the end of the school year a few friends are moving away, to school, to different parts of the country, to new stages of life and it is sad and I don’t like it. However, no matter how sad it is I do not want to neglect or run away from friendships here because they have a determined “end date” (ok, maybe not an “end date,” that sounds dramatic, but you get the point). I don’t want to determine how much I will invest in someone based on their answer to the question “how long will you be here?”                                                 

Just some thoughts from the Haiti front.